


Slowly

by Kiitsuo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Future Fic, Getting Together, Insecurity, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Rated T for language, Romantic Fluff, Yuri Plisetsky-centric, spanish translation available!, takes place 3 or 4 years after canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiitsuo/pseuds/Kiitsuo
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky is slow to realize his feelings, and even slower to come to terms with them.





	Slowly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tonberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonberry/gifts).



> This fic has generously been translated into Spanish by UMonoceros with my permission. It can be found here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857677/1/Slowly-por-Kiitsuo-Traducci%C3%B3n-autorizada
> 
> Thank you so much! <3

“So this is your new place? It looks empty as hell,” Yuri says, thoroughly unimpressed with his first impressions of Viktor and Yuuri’s new apartment.

“Oh, Yurio! You wound us!” Viktor feigns dramatics, and Yuuri shoves him in playful gesture to get him to shut up before he really starts whining. Neither of them can deny the truth of it, however. Their new little home is quite barren. The bare essentials are there, sleek and modern furniture most likely from Viktor’s old place, but anything resembling personal touch? Completely absent.

Yuri rolls his eyes and scoffs at mention of his nickname. “I guess it can’t be helped. You guys only lived here for what, a week or whatever?”

“Two and a half weeks,” Yuuri chimes in. He wraps his arm around Viktor’s, and in that moment, Yuri sees the flash of utter contentment and pride in his eyes. It’s not often he sees that look in Yuuri’s eyes, but every time he does, his breath catches in his throat and his heart swells. It’s a gift, truly. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to see it more often. Viktor is truly lucky, lucky to be able to see that look in Yuuri’s eyes so much more often than Yuri will ever be able to see it, and he’s lucky to be the one help spur it on. 

Yuri knows he’ll never be that lucky, or that important in the grand scheme of things. Oh, how he yearns though. Jealously is an ugly beast, and he feels it rearing its ugly head. That’s not what he wants, not at all. He deserves to enjoy this moment with them, damnit!

“Hey, Viktor, go be useful and make us some tea,” Yuri says. 

“Already bossing me around in my new home! Who taught him such manners?!”

“I learned my manners from the very best,” He replies, and Yuuri can’t help but laugh in agreement. Viktor knows he’s lost this fight, and he sulks off to the kitchen to prepare some tea.

The three of them settle down in the living room, and exchange pleasant banter and play catch up with one another. It’s not like they go long without talking to one another, but after seeing each other daily for quite some time, going a few weeks without speaking in person feels like eons. Text and phone call, it just doesn’t have the same vibe. Given Yuri’s rigorous training regimen and the fact of both Yuri and Viktor keeping themselves quite busy since retiring from competitive skating, it leaves the three of them strapped for time with each other. The fact Yuri was even able to stop by for a few hours is a small miracle in and of itself.

“Yuuri’s so lucky!” Viktor laments, “He gets to spend all day with cute and adorable kids and teach them how to skate! But me? I get stuck coaching teenagers who don’t listen! Oh, Yakov, how sorry I am! Please Yuri, apologize to Yakov for my behavior as a teenager! I’m begging you. And Yuri! You apologize too!”

“Go apologize yourself. I’m too busy to do your dirty work.” Yuri rolls his eyes as he sips on the mug of tea Viktor has so graciously prepared for them. He’s missed this, spending time with Yuuri and Viktor in private where they can just goof around. It’s reminiscent of the two years they spent training together, the three of them attached to the hip in St. Petersburg. 

Far too much time passes and far too fast for anyone’s liking. All three of them seem to forget they have things to do the next morning, but they all begrudgingly decide it’s time for Yuri to go home if any of them are to be productive members of society the next morning.

Saying good bye is always the hardest part, especially when they don’t know the next time they’ll get to spend such time together. 

Before Yuri leaves, Yuuri wraps him up in a hug, which Viktor joins in. “Yurio, stop by anytime. You’re always welcome here.”

“Only if you stop calling me by that stupid nickname.” He says, leaning into the both of them. There’s no malice in his voice, it’s all formality at this point.

“Oh I know you’ll be back no matter what I call you. You’re not fooling anyone.”

And it’s true. It doesn’t take long for Yuri to invade their newfound apartment. Not that they mind, however, it always seems much more lively with him around. Things aren’t the same without him, and the days he’s not there, they both feel as if something is missing. What exactly is missing, they can never quite put their finger on.

“You really should decorate your house,” Yuri says on one of the days he had stopped by unannounced. He’s lounging on the couch, feet on their coffee table. “It’s so boring and depressing in here, like you guys don’t even live here. Don’t tell me you buy into that minimalism bullshit.”

“What do you want us to do?” Yuuri asks as he sits on the floor with Makkachin.

“I don’t know, put up some photos or something.”

Viktor looks up from the book he’s absentmindedly reading. “We really should put up some photos. Too bad Yuuri left his photos in Japan, and mine are at my parent’s house.”

Yuri takes his feet off their table, plants his feet firmly on the ground, and looks to glare at both of them, “Then we’ll use mine. You guys need something to liven up your house. You can give them back to me when you guys get your own back. My mind’s already made up on this so you can’t say no.”

Yuuri can’t help but laugh at Yuri’s determination to have them decorate their house. “We have no choice then, right Viktor?”

“I wouldn’t dream of saying no to Yuri once his mind is made up on something. It would be like saying no to a brick wall. Impossible.”

It was settled. Next time they were all free, they would decorate their house with whatever Yuri brought them.

What they weren’t expecting was for Yuri to bring them so much. The next time he comes over, he comes over earlier than usual, and comes with an entire bag full of several years worth of sentimental photos of them both before and during their time spent in Russia together. It’s not just photos of them, but of their friends, of Viktor and Yuuri’s wedding, of the places they’ve traveled to for competition. Hell, he’s even brought them knickknacks he’s amassed during his travels.

“This stuff is important to me, so you better treat it well and give it back to me once you get your own shit to decorate with,” Yuri warns.

Viktor is simply amazed by how much stuff Yuri had. “Wow, I had no idea you were such a sentimental person,” he says, earning him a glare and a quick ‘fuck off’ from Yuri.

The three of them spend the morning and a large part of the afternoon walking down memory lane together as they decorate. Some things they had forgotten about entirely, only for the memories to be rekindled by small details in the photos. Progress to finish is slow, but they have fun regardless of how slow their progress is.

“Ahhh Yurio, your hair used to be so long when we all skated together,” Yuuri says as he reaches out to run his fingers through Yuri’s hair. “I’ve almost forgotten how nice you looked with longer hair.” 

Yuri abruptly pauses in whatever he’s doing, and he immediately feels his face heating up and looks away to hide his flushed face from Yuuri. “What the hell are you talking about?” he grumbles. Still, he doesn’t shy away from Yuuri’s touch.

“Look, it’s the photo of the three of us on the podium together during your second year competing in Seniors. Your hair was so long back then.”

“Oh, yeah. That was the year you won your first gold, right?” If Yuri had lost his gold to any other skater, he would have been pissed. But somehow winning silver to Yuuri, it didn’t seem quite as bad. It was acceptable, that’s for sure.

“Oh yeah...and I won my first bronze that year,” Viktor says. 

“Ah yes, a lonely bronze amongst a field of gold. How unfortunate for you.”

Viktor laughs at Yuri’s sarcasm. “I don’t mind though. You won a gold, and then my Yuuri won a gold. I’m glad to share the glory with my two favorite people. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he says sweeping them both up into a friendly hug. 

“Ugh, you’re so sentimental. It’s gross.” Still, despite his protest, he doesn’t break his way out of Viktor’s arms. 

My two favorite people...Was he really one of Viktor’s favorite people? Did Viktor really see him as someone important in his life? It seemed far fetched to believe, especially considering how important Yuuri was to Viktor. There’s no way he was equally as important, especially considering their rather turbulous relationship from when Yuri was younger. His emotions are doing weird things inside of him again, and he wants them to stop more than anything. 

Luckily, Yuuri comes to the rescue. “I don’t think you’re one to talk, Yurio. You have more sentimental things than both Viktor and I combined.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes, “Oh fuck off, Katsudon. Without me, you wouldn’t even have any photos of your own damn wedding in your house. Your own wedding. You two better thank me!”

“Thank you, Yurio,” Yuuri says in that cheeky voice of his, and Viktor immediately follows suite. 

Yuri just groans. Why was he helping them again?

For now, his emotions are quelled and not ripping up his insides. Whatever that was about, he hopes that doesn’t start up again. First that weird jealousy over Viktor getting to see Yuuri truly be happy, and now weird feelings over being one of Viktor’s favorite people alongside his own husband. What on earth was wrong with him. 

Luckily the rest of the day goes by without any oddities stirring up inside of him.

Later that night, as he lies in bed trying to sleep, Yuri can’t help but ponder these strange feelings. Ugh, they’ve always done weird things to him. Stupid Yuuri and his kindness, stupid Viktor and his broken promises and his eagerness to make things right between them. Stupid him for having feelings. Stupid, stupid everyone…

Unfortunately, Viktor had been busy coaching his rude teenagers and preparing them for competition season, Yuuri had been busy with his lessons, and Yuri decided to put in some extra time on the rink to prepare for his own competitive season that the three of them didn’t really get to spend much time together. 

Viktor and Yuuri, however, do make time to call Yuri to make sure he’s not overworking himself as he’s always had a tendency to do. 

Yuri had been lounging on the couch, playing a video game but not quite paying attention to it. His mind is focused on other things, and when his cell phone rings, he almost doesn’t hear it. It’s not like he’s in the mood to talk to people either, but when he sees Yuuri’s name on the caller ID, he suddenly feels ecstatic and jumps to accept the call. He greets them, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

“Hi, Yurio!” Yuuri says, and immediately Viktor follows with,  
“Yuuuuri~ You sound like you miss us!” 

They must have him on speaker phone.

His face heats up at Viktor’s claim. It’s true, he does miss them, but he’ll be damned if he’s that obvious. Whatever, at least they’re not there to see it. He can blush to his heart’s content in the privacy of his own home. 

“Hah, as if,” Yuri replies, and they both take it as the Yeah, I’ve missed you both a lot he intends it to be.

The three of them chat for a bit, and they somehow end up on the topic of one of the young teenagers Viktor is currently coaching.

“One of my girls reminds me of you, Yuri,” Viktor had started out. “She’s so talented, and very stubborn. She insists on doing jumps she’s physically not ready for. The worst part? She lands them too so insists that’s proof enough for me to allow her to do them.”

“Sounds like you need a big shot figure skater to strike a deal up with her, then she’ll stop.”

Oh, how Yuri does not miss those days of his skill developing faster than his body.

“Yeah, and then her big shot figure skater will ditch her and move to a foreign country and she’ll end up following them to said foreign country. Then what will I do!”

“Well thankfully not everyone is as impulsive and irresponsible as you are, so that wouldn’t happen in the first place.”

It took a while, but Yuri is no longer angry or bitter over Viktor breaking his promise. He’s not sure if it’s due to time healing his wounds, or if because he loves seeing how happy Viktor and Yuuri make each other, but he’s grown to accept it for what it is. So much of him wishes he could make them happy in the way they make each other happy, the way they make him happy, but he knows that’s impossible. They’re married, and they really don’t need him when they’ve got each other.

If only he could grow to accept that too.

Yuuri’s laughter in the background breaks him out of his thoughts. “Hey, you’re pretty impulsive too, chasing after Viktor to Japan like that. Don’t give Viktor all the credit.”  
“In my defense, I was fifteen. You’re supposed to and allowed to be impulsive at that age!”

“Noooo,” Viktor suddenly whines, “I don’t want to think of what she’ll be like when she’s fifteen...If she’s anything like me or Yuri at fifteen...no...I don’t want to be a coach anymore! Yuuri! Trade jobs with me!” 

“Nope, this is your karma for making Yakov go bald. Soon, Yuri will get his karma too.” Yuuri sounds so smug.

Their conversation continues on for a while longer as they lose track of time, and it isn’t until one of them starts yawning on the phone do they realize they’ve been talking for two hours.

“Come visit us soon, okay?” Yuuri says to him while they say their goodbyes.  
“Yeah, it’s not the same without you here,” Viktor adds.

Something about the way Viktor says that makes Yuri’s heart stop in his chest. He suddenly feels hyperaware of his feelings toward them. 

“I’ll try to stop by soon, I promise,” he says. If God is real, they won’t hear the feelings in his voice, or at least they won’t call him out on it. 

Thankfully, neither of them call him out on it.

“Good!” Yuuri says, and Yuri can practically hear him smiling, “Take care, Yurio. We love you.”

“We do! Good night, Yura.”

Now he’s extremely aware of his feelings and thoughts clamoring away in his head, and he feels as if his heart will beat itself to death. Amazing how a simple four letter word can fuck him up so much. 

“Good night!” He manages to choke out, and slams the call end button before they can give him any more stupid feelings.

They both love him, somehow hearing that makes his own unrequited love for them so much more unbearable. They love him, they both miss him, they don’t think their house is the same without him. Oh, how he loves them too and misses them so much and wants to be apart of their lives in the same way they are apart of each others. They don’t mean it in the same way he means it toward them, though. There’s no way.

Ugh. Fuck feelings. He doesn’t need them. All he can do is shove his face into a pillow and groan. 

True to his promise, Yuri stops by barely a week later one afternoon, totally unannounced to boot. 

“Yura! What are you doing here?” Viktor says when he opens the door and is greeted with Yuri holding several shopping bags.

“I felt like cooking,” he says, shrugging. “I mean, I always cook for myself, but nothing special. Here.” He shoves the bags into Viktor’s arms, “put the shit away for later. I don’t know where you keep anything.”

He doesn’t even bother asking if it’s okay to use their kitchen -- he knows they’ll say yes.

Yuuri walks out the their bedroom, and it’s quite obvious that someone was having a lazy day. He’s still dressed his in pajamas with his hair tied up in a messy bun. He doesn’t even have his glasses on. As disheveled as he is, Yuri can’t help but think about how cute and attractive he looks. Had Yuuri’s hair really gotten that long? He hadn’t noticed before, but now it’s so obvious, and the urge to play with his hair makes Yuri’s fingers twitch. 

“Viktor?” Yuri can see Yuuri squinting in the distance. “Who’s here?”

Viktor immediately turns around and yells out, “Yuri’s here! I think he’s going to cook us dinner later!”

It only takes a few seconds for Yuuri’s face to go from looking sleepy to looking excited. “Oh! Yurio! I didn’t know you were stopping by today, but yes, please cook us dinner!”

“Correction: I’m cooking Viktor dinner, because he doesn’t call me stupid names.”

“Aww, don’t be mean to me!” Despite Yuri’s grumbling, Yuuri walks over and wraps him up in a hug, “You wouldn’t do that. You love me too much not to feed me.”

And being the predictable person he is, Yuri ends up hugging him back and mumbling, “Yeah, yeah...whatever you say, Katsudon.” 

Soon after, Yuuri excuses himself to put actual clothes on, leaving Viktor and Yuri time to catch up with one another as Viktor puts away Yuri’s groceries.

Of course, the first thing Viktor ends up asking is, “So, what are you making us? This meat looks really good.”

“Zharkoye,” Yuri replies, “I’ve been experimenting with my grandfather’s recipe and I need guinea pigs.”

“Well, Yuuri and I happily volunteer if it means neither of us have to cook tonight. Truth be told we don’t have much to cook either since we’ve both been too busy and too lazy to go to the store.”

He can’t help but smirk at that. “Then you should be thanking me for stopping by unannounced and enabling your laziness.”

One particular thing that catches Yuri’s eye about their kitchen, other than the spacious counter space he can only dream of having, are the multitude of children's drawings on their fridge, all of varying skill levels. 

Of course he has to ask about them, but Viktor seems to read his mind and answer for him, “Yuuri’s students drew him those. You know he teaches skating to young kids, and well, they all really like him. I think his oldest is about seven or eight.”

To hear that Yuuri’s students love him enough to draw him things, that just warms Yuri’s heart up. Really, Yuri can’t think of a more perfect job for him. He’s always been patient and full of warmth and love. He’s glad for those lucky kids to have someone as understanding as Yuuri introducing them to skating.

“I see, and you get stuck with your bratty teenagers who don’t listen, right?”

“Yep. I really do love working with them though. It’s rewarding when they actually do listen or when they place at their competitions. They all work really hard, and I think they’ll go far.”

Really, Viktor’s stubborn enough to work with bratty teenagers, but also encouraging enough to motivate them without making their heads too big. Lord knows Viktor’s gotten through to him more than once during his Junior days when Yakov failed to talk common sense into his head, because he too was once a stubborn bratty teenager who thought he knew everything simply because people sung his praise. 

Plus, he’s always thrived in competitions. It’s only natural he’d help pave way for the next generation’s figure skating legend.

They both end up chatting in the kitchen, talking about Viktor’s students and Yuri’s upcoming competitions. So engrossed in their conversation they are, neither of them realize that poor Yuuri was left to watch TV by himself in the living room.

When they both sheepishly apologize, Yuuri just laughs it off and says, “No, it’s fine. You seemed to be having a good conversation, and I like seeing you two get along, especially since it wasn’t always that way.”

 

As always, the three of them slip into conversation a little too easily, and time eludes them until Yuri swears mid-sentences and realizes that fuck he has to cook! He bolts into the kitchen, only to promptly realize he has no idea where anything is. Thankfully Yuuri seems to have anticipated this happening, as he promptly follows him. After Yuri has his bearings around their kitchen, Yuuri is promptly shooed out with the explicit message of, “You and Viktor stay the fuck out of the kitchen until it’s done.”

After all, the kitchen is Yuri’s sanctuary and while this isn’t his kitchen per se, it’s still a kitchen so therefore it’s his and his alone. Cooking is his element when he’s off the ice, so much so that he’s not even embarrassed when he thinks about how disgustingly domestic the entire situation is. He just shows up unannounced to their house, two people who give him such amazingly awful, complicated warm fond feelings, all while declaring he was going to cook them dinner, using a version of one of his grandfather’s many recipes to boot. Damnit, Grandpa always said that feeding someone was the key to their heart, so feed them he will! He was gonna win them both over, and keep them both won over. 

By the time it’s done and dished out, all Yuri can do is anxiously wait for them to try it. 

“Smells great, what is it?” Yuuri asks as they sit down to eat.

Viktor immediately answers, “It’s a traditional Russian stew. I’ve made it a few times for you, but I can already tell Yuri’s is gonna be better than mine.”

“It’s my Grandpa’s recipe, but with some of my own changes I’ve put in over the years.” For some unknown reason, Yuri suddenly feels sheepish admitting that, as if he just became totally transparent in his intention. 

The sheepishness is short lived however, and he revels in the joy when they go for seconds, and Viktor even goes in for a small third all while they shower him in compliments. If only he could cook for them everyday…

While they’re all sitting there at the table, Yuuri finds the opportunity to say, “You’d never believe just by looking at him, but Viktor actually has a little tummy now.”

Viktor immediately stops and stares at Yuuri in embarrassed horror, “Yuuri! Don’t tell Yuri such embarrassing things!”

“Nope. I like it. It’s soft and squishy and cute.”

“Yuraaa!” Viktor begins to whine, “Make him stop! He’s embarrassing me!”

Yuri just looks at them in amusement. “Nope, the tables have turned. You’re on you’re own for this.”

Viktor’s the one who offers to clean up the kitchen, and Yuri’s thankful for that because as much as he loves cooking, he hates cleaning up afterward. Plus, it gives him a bit of alone time with Yuuri. The two of them sit on the living room sofa together, perhaps a little too close, hips and shoulders touching. Normally being so close to someone would drive Yuri insane, but Yuuri...Yuuri is different. Viktor too. They sit in a comfortable silence, and Yuri doesn’t even flinch or shy away when Yuuri leans his head into the crook of his neck, nodding off into a light slumber as he wraps his arm around Yuri’s arm and pulls him a bit closer. 

Mayhaps Yuuri is just a clingy sleeper, but at this point Yuri doesn’t even care. He welcomes the affection, and when the urge to lean onto Yuuri hits him, he doesn’t even fight it. He leans into him, and soon finds that he too is nodding off.

When Viktor is done cleaning the kitchen, he walks into the living room and sees the two of them cuddling in their sleep. The sight causes his lips to curl into a small smile, and his breath catch in his chest. Perhaps there is a small hope that maybe, Yuri loves them too in the way they’ve both been afraid to convey. 

Yuri awakens later and finds himself sandwiched between them, Viktor’s arm wrapped around his waist as Viktor holds him close and his own arm intertwined with Yuuri’s. He looks around, and finds them both awake, which means they’ve both been holding him as he slept. By all means, he should be embarrassed, or upset, but he’s not and it leaves a burning hole in his heart where he yearns to wake up like this forever, sandwiched in between them like this.

“We both fell asleep, didn’t we?” Yuuri says when he feels Yuri stir awake. 

“Yeah...I guess we did.” Yuri feels his cheeks flush. Not out of embarrassment, but over how intimate he feels with them. Everything is so close, yet so far out of reach.

“You look tired, do you wanna go?” Viktor asks, although he would love nothing more than for Yuri to stay with them, and he knows Yuuri feels the same.

The desire to stay with both of them, to stay on the couch and just lean into the both of them and let himself be held and caressed is strong. Never have his feelings for them burned so intensely, and never have they felt so reciprocated. Maybe they understand...maybe they feel the same way. But it’s too much to hope for because what if he’s wrong, the rejection would be too much to bear and then he’d be left with nothing.

“Yeah, I probably should get going,” He says, as much as it pains him.

“We wish you could stay,” Yuuri says as he unwraps himself from Yuri.

“We do. Come make us dinner, and next time, stay the night, okay?” Viktor tells him while the three of them make their way to the door to see Yuri out.

Yuri looks away, unable to meet either of their faces. “Yeah...I would like that, a lot,” he mumbles.

“Take care.” As Viktor says that, he brushes the outgrown bangs which cover Yuri’s face out of the way and gently kisses his forehead as he pulls him into an embrace. After they let go, Yuuri embraces him too, and kisses him on the cheek as well before they say their final goodbyes and good nights. 

It’s late at night and he was so sleepy before, but now Yuri feels wide awake as he lays in bed. He can still feel the places on his skin where Viktor and Yuuri touched, he can still feel the places where they kissed him. It’s stupid he’s getting so worked up over this, over what takes him every ounce of willpower to convince himself is just a friendly gesture. It’s stupid that their well meaning we loves you’s and enthusiasm to make time for him knot him up into an unsalvageable mess. Stupidest of all is the fact he can’t stop thinking about the, wishing to be more important than he is to them. They have each other first and foremost, and he’s their third wheel. While they’ve never made him feel that way, oh no, quite the contrary, he just knows that’s ultimately what he is. They share every facet of their life together, and he’s lucky to have glimmers. It’s greedy and he knows it and the guilt eats him alive that he can’t just be grateful for what he has, but every inch of his soul burns for more because he loves them. He loves both of them. Not as friends. Not as family. But in the way they love each other.

Love. He loves them. The realization breaks him out in a cold sweat. He can’t love them, not like that. Does he even know what love is? Certainly he doesn’t. Never had he felt love for anyone, so surely he can’t feel it for two people, two married people, at the same time. His crush on Yuuri was just that, a crush, a silly infatuation he never got over. His feelings for Viktor are just over glorified hero worship from his Junior days. His feelings for them certainly are not love, just unresolved childhood baggage. 

Still, the waves of panic churn in him, and he needs to resolve this now . Yuri needs answers now, right this moment, at three in the morning so he can move on with his life. So he does the only thing he can think of doing in such a situation, and he calls Otabek. Otabek will surely forgive him for calling at such an ungodly hour, and he will surely tell him that his feelings are not love and he can move on with his life and resume his friendship with Viktor and Yuuri as normal. 

Surprisingly, Otabek answers the phone. Even more surprisingly, his greeting sounds alert, as if he wasn’t even sleeping. Whatever, good, that’s one less thing to feel guilty about. 

Yuri doesn’t even bother to say his greetings back; he just cuts straight to the chase. 

“How do you know you’re in love?”

“Yuri, are you in love?” Is Otabek’s reply.

That’s real helpful. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you at three in the morning.”

Otabek laughs as he can practically hear the eye rolling in Yuri’s voice. “If you have to ask, you’re probably in love.”

“That’s not helpful!” If it were possible to yell and whine at the same time, Yuri certainly just accomplished that. “I’ve never been in love! I don’t know what love feels like! You’re supposed to help me through this, Beka!” 

“Tell me about them then,” Otabek replies, “Who’s the lucky person? The way you speak about them’ll tell me everything, and then I’ll be able to share my wisdom and let you know if you’re in love or not.” Really, he’s just humoring him at this point; he already knows Yuri is in love with whoever is causing him this crisis. Yuri does not admit his feelings freely, so for him to come and ask straight up if he’s in love, then he definitely had it bad.

That’s when Yuri clams up, because it wasn’t just a single “lucky person”. It was two people, and they were married -- have been married. He suddenly regrets calling Otabek, because now he has to admit out loud just how much he fucked up and come head to head with just how impossible his chances are.

Otabek isn’t taking Yuri’s silence either. “Well?” He says.

“Actually…” Yuri begins to say as he picks at the skin of his thumb, “Don’t be weirded out, but it’s not just one person.”

“Go on.”

“It’s two people.”

“That might be more complicated, but it’s more common than you probably think.”

“No, Beka, you don’t understand,” Yuri starts to say, “I know that but,” his voice drops to a whisper, as if he’s trying to hide what comes next, “They’re married.”

Without missing a beat, Otabek immediately says, “It’s Viktor and Yuuri, isn’t it?” To most people, Yuri might seem as unpredictable as the weather, but to those who actually know him, he’s clockwork.

Yuri shyly nods his head, momentarily forgetting he’s on the phone and Otabek can’t see him. “I don’t know what to do,” his voice is quiet, but his emotions ring louder than anything.

Without waiting for Otabek to say anything in response, Yuri word vomits. He tells Otabek everything. The touches, the kisses, the I love you’s, how close they were when they trained in St. Petersburg together. He tells him about Viktor calling him one of his favorite people right alongside Yuuri, and how much he wishes they loved him in the way he loves them. He listens when he calls his feelings toward them unresolved childhood baggage, and he doesn’t say anything when he can hear Yuri start to cry out of frustration for his seemingly unwinnable situation. 

“I hate this. This is stupid. What am I even supposed to do?” Yuri mumbles.

“Tell them. I really think you should tell them. I think…” He pauses for a moment, trying to think of how to phrase what he wants to say in a way that won’t make Yuri defensive. After a few seconds, he decides it doesn’t matter. “I think they love you more than you think.”

Hearing Otabek say that chokes Yuri up. “Don’t say things like that,” he mumbles.

“Yuri…”

“Maybe they do love me more than I think. Hell, I know they love me, it’s just, it’s just not in the way I want them to love me. I’m being selfish.”

“Why are you so afraid to tell them?”

Why is he so afraid to tell them? What a loaded question. He actually laughs at it. “Why? Because right now I have hope that maybe my feelings are mutual. It’s not much, but it’s there, especially after tonight. But what if I’m wrong? How do I recover from that? Right now I have something, and I’m glad, I really am, but if they reject my feelings, I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t think I could continue seeing them, and that’s the last thing I want. I want them in my life.”

“I see. You know eventually they’ll figure it out though, or you’ll just make yourself miserable. Something’s gotta give eventually, and I don’t think you need to make the situation any more complicated than it is by hiding your feelings.” Judging by what Yuri has told him so far, he has a sneaking suspicion that they already are on their way to figuring it out, if they haven’t already. If anything, he suspects they’re waiting for Yuri to break the ice on the subject since Yuri is Yuri and he can be a bit...odd with such things. 

“I’ve dealt with my feelings for Viktor since I was 12, I’ve had feelings for Yuuri since I was 14. I’ve dealt with them for that long. Eventually they have to go away, right?” 

Otabek sighs, amazed at how deep Yuri’s denial can run. “Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think your feelings will magically go away, especially not if you’ve had them for that long. If anything, they’ll just continue grow, which is why you need to talk to them.” 

Yuri simply replies, “I’m so fucked.” He doesn’t want to think about his feelings growing, or anything of that sort. Oh, how he wishes he could go back to living in ignorance like he did when they all lived in St. Petersburg together, where he was satisfied with what he had, before he got greedy and needed more.

“At least think about telling them, okay? You don’t have to do it tomorrow, but please talk to them before you do something you regret.”

Exhaustion suddenly weighs heavy in his bones. Emotions are exhausting, he just wants to sleep and ignore everything. “Yeah, yeah. I guess I can do that. I’m really tired all the sudden, so I’m going to try and go to bed. But yeah umm...thank you for hearing me out. It helps getting it off my chest, I guess.” 

“I hope you’ll take what I said about telling them seriously.”

“Yeah, I will.” Yuri says, but they both know it’s not entirely the truth. “I guess I really am in love with them...and probably have been for quite some time. Ugh. What a pain in the ass.”

“You’ll be fine. Good night, Yura.” Otabek’s not really one for inane platitudes, but he really does think the situation have a happy ending so long as Yuri doesn’t freak out and fuck everything up. He makes a mental note to check in on him a bit more often than he normally would over the next few weeks, just to make sure he isn’t destroying his chance at happiness.

“Yeah, good night.”

Despite being exhausted, Yuri still finds himself unable to fall asleep. Instead, his brain seems hellbent on creating made up scenarios in his head instead of sleeping. Talking to Otabek did help with one thing, however, and that was confirming the fact he was indeed in love with Viktor and Yuuri. As much as he loathes to admit, he knows Otabek is right in that his feelings won’t magically go away. Maybe...maybe he just needs time away from them. He’s been spending too much time with them, maybe distance will kill his feelings once and for all. In St. Petersburg, it was okay they spent all that time together because he was blissfully unaware of his love for them, but now his feelings were beating him over the head. 

Creating distance between them...it was the exact opposite of what Otabek suggested, and he can already hear Otabek yelling at him for his decision. Sorry Beka, but he just can’t tell them. That’s too much of a risk. Ignoring them will hurt for a while, but then at least he can get over his feelings and then they can resume being friends and life will go on as normal.

Really, it’s the only way.

Luckily, competition season is right around the corner and he’ll be traveling soon, so he has a perfectly valid reason for distancing himself. As long as he doesn’t talk to them at all during the final stretch of training and during the season, by the time the season is over, he should be dandy! ...Right?

What he doesn’t anticipate is just how hard it would be to reject their offers to spend time together. 

“Hey, I know competition season is soon and you’re probably busy training, but Yuri and I are free tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner with us.”

Ugh, he’d love nothing more than to grab dinner with them. But he knows spending any time with them jeopardizes his whole plan, so he texts back:

“I wish I could! But I can’t. I need to focus on perfecting this jump sequence.”

It’s not a lie if it’s half true, right? 

“It’s okay! We understand. Remember to take breaks and take care of yourself. Yuuri says not to overwork yourself. We love you! See you soon!”

Oh, Viktor. Please don’t say that. Don’t make this harder than it already is. 

Luckily, being retired professional figure skaters themselves, they understand the importance of practice right before the season starts. They think nothing of Yuri pulling away from them, and they don’t seem to suspect it’s anything more than Yuri putting in extra time training.

Communicating through text message, however, as few and far as their messages are, drives Yuri insane. He wants to hear their voices, wants to invade their home, wants to carve out his presence in their life. He has very little precious free time, and he’d like nothing more than to spend it with Viktor and Yuuri, but his feelings won’t go away if he does that, so he bites the bullet and keeps telling them no, he can’t. 

The hardest comes the night before his flight. He’s lounging on the couch with his cat, only half paying attention to the television. His phone rings, and when he sees Viktor’s name on the caller ID, his lips automatically curl into the widest grin because oh my god he misses them so much and he wants to talk to them, but he quickly frowns when he realizes, he can’t, he shouldn’t. His ringtone echoes throughout the living room as his finger hovers over the call accept button. They probably want to wish him luck, and he would like nothing more than to hear that. But no, he must be strong. He mustn’t answer. 

When his phone stops ringing and he sees he has one new voicemail, it feels like the most unsatisfactory victory. It leaves him feeling dejected, and the feeling only worsens when he deletes their voicemail without even listening to it because god, if he hears their voices now his resolve will break and he’ll call them back right then and there and everything will have been for nothing. 

This year’s competition feels especially lonely without them, without having their support. He knows they’re watching his programs, he knows they’ve been calling him and texting him, he knows he has their support, but he’s gotten to the point where even reading their texts is too much -- he deletes them without opening them. 

Luckily, Otabek is there to help take the edge off the loneliness. 

They’re out for dinner one night before the finals, and Otabek asks, “So, how are things going with Viktor and Yuuri? Have you talked to them yet?”

Yuri grips his fork a bit too aggressively. This is not a conversation he wants to be having now, or ever. “Well, well, about that…” He starts to say, embracing himself for the chastising he knows Otabek will give him once he tells him everything. 

“Actually, it’s probably smart to wait until after the season is over, I don’t blame you for not having done it yet.”

He could easily run with this, convince Otabek that was exactly what he was doing, but at the same time, that’s not what he wants. He has doubts his stupid plan is even working, because he finds himself thinking about those two more than ever, even more than he ever thought about them before he came up with the genius plan to ignore them. 

A nervous laughter escapes his lips, and Otabek immediately says, “Oh no, I know that laugh. What did you do?”

“That’s the thing, I haven’t done anything. I’ve kind of been ignoring them. I haven’t seen or spoken to them since before the season started. I told them I was busy training, which was true, but then it got too much to keep telling them no, so I started ignoring them. Then it got too much to read their text messages when they’d tell they miss me and they love me, so I started deleting them without reading them...” 

Otabek just gives Yuri the most deadpan stare he can humanly muster. Incredible. “Right, and how’s that working for you?”

“Don’t look at me like that, Beka!” Yuri clammors. “I just thought that if I ignored them, my feelings would go away and I’d fall out of love. It’s really the best solution for all of us.”

“Right, and how’s that working for you? Are you out of love yet?”

Yuri looks down at this plate all while nervously poking at the food with his fork. “It didn’t quite exactly work as I’d hoped. I miss them so much, I can’t stop thinking about them. I think about them more than I’ve ever done before. I know they miss me too, because they text and call me a lot these days.” 

Otabek’s face softens as he listens to Yuri talk. Yeah, he’s annoyed and frustrated with how Yuri’s handling this, but feelings and vulnerability have never been his strong suite, and as his friend, he would like nothing more than to help him through this. 

“Yuri…I know you don’t believe your feelings are mutual, but have you ever stopped to think about how they might feel? I know you assume they don’t feel the same way about you, and I know you’re scared of ruining your relationship with them because of how important they are to you, but please listen to me when I tell you you’re ruining your relationship more by distancing yourself.” 

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” It’s less of a question and more of a statement. 

“I’m sure they’re used to it, and I’m sure they’ll forgive you. But please, talk to them.”

Count on Otabek to always know what to say, and to make him see the error of his ways. “I will, I actually promise this time. Pinky promise.”

Despite his intentions being less than pure, all of the extra time Yuri put into the rink paid off. Sure, it’s not like he wasn’t already working hard, but avoiding Yuuri and Viktor sure probably helped a bit. Still, despite that one little caveat, he relishes in his victory and he can’t wait to celebrate it with them, that is, once he actually talks to them. 

After the celebrations and festivities, Yuri makes his way back to the hotel room and checks his phone. Relief floods his body for the first time in a while when he sees he has a text message from Yuuri. For once, he doesn’t delete it.

“Congratulations on your gold! We knew you could do it! We’re super glad all that training paid off! We miss you though, we really do. Our house isn’t the same without you, and seeing your decorations all over the place just makes us miss you more. Talk to us soon, okay?”

Without wasting even a moment, he calls them. He owes them an apology and an explanation, and they deserve to hear it straight from him and not through a text.

Yuri’s heart beats frantically as he waits for one of them to pick up. He doesn’t even know what he wants to say, he just wants to fix the distance he caused between them, he wants to tell them everything because damnit, they deserve to know the truth and not be ignored while Yuri rots in his own insecurity. 

“Yuri!” Yuuri’s cheerful voice is music to Yuri’s ears. In the background, he can hear Viktor say, “Oh! Yuri’s on the phone?!” He sounds so excited, like a puppy dog greeting their owner after they’ve been away for a long while. 

“I owe you both an apology,” Yuri says without waiting for them to start the conversation. “I promise, when I get back to Russia, I will tell you everything. I...I haven’t been entirely honest. And I’m sorry, but this is a conversation I need to have with you two in person. But please know I miss you two so much. And please, don’t accept my apology until I tell you what I need to say.” 

“We were so worried about you,” Yuuri begins to say, “We feared we may have upset you, or made you uncomfortable. At first we thought it was just because you were training, but once the season started and you still weren’t talking to us, we knew something was wrong but we couldn’t figure out what.”

Before Yuri can reply, Viktor says, “We’re just glad you’re okay, and we would like nothing more than to hear what you have to say. When you get home, we will all celebrate together, sound good?”

It’s bittersweet, the small smile on Yuri’s face right now. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’d like that. See you both soon.”

The trip to their apartment is agonizing. As much as he would have loved to run over the day he returned to Russia, his body had other things in mind. He’s always been quite susceptible to jet lag, and the added stress of having this conversation with them seems to have only made it worse this time around.

But all that matters is that now he’s here, he’s standing in front of their apartment door, ready to spill his guts to them, or at least as read as he’ll ever be. 

Viktor and Yuuri waste no time opening the door after he rings their bell, and sweeping him into a giant hug when they see him on their door step. Makkachin joins in too, jumping up on Yuri and barking excitedly. 

“It’s so good to actually see you again!” They both say, hugging him and barely giving him any room to enter their house. Yuri hugs them both back too, both excitement and nervousness pulsing through his body. 

“I’m glad you missed me as much as I missed you two,” he says. He’s trying to keep it light hearted, trying to keep his nerves from showing.  
Viktor excitedly grabs Yuri’s hands and drags him off toward the couch, “Please, make yourself comfortable. I know you have things you want to tell us, but let me make some tea first. We want to hear everything you have to say.”

Tea is nice. Tea would help calm his raging thoughts. “You know what I like, right?” 

“Of course I do, what do you take me for?” Viktor says as he disappears into the kitchen.

“How was your flight back?” Yuuri asks.

“Boring, but the jet lag was terrible this time around. I wanted to see you guys sooner but it just wasn’t happening.”

Yuuri nods. “Understandable. We’re just glad you could come regardless.”

They make small talk until Viktor comes out from the kitchen with their tea. Yuri finds himself gripping his mug, the heat of the ceramic a comforting feeling. He has no idea what to say, has no idea how to start. There’s so much he wants to say, yet has so little idea of how to actually say it. 

“I…” he begins to say as they both settle down into their seats, “I owe you two an apology, for ignoring you as long as I have. I was going through some things and I didn’t know what to do.”

They both nod, urging him to go on with their silence. 

Yuri’s hands start to shake, and he grips his mug harder to hide the fact. “You two are so important to me, and I was scared of my own feelings. You’ve always been important to me, both of you, ever since I was young and stupid and reckless. But when you two moved together, I started feeling different. I...became jealous.”

Jealousy, that’s what he felt when he first saw their new home. He remembers the feeling clear as day, and how he wished he didn’t feel such a terrible emotion on what should be a happy moment. “At first I didn’t know why. I don’t even know what I was jealous of, both of you and neither of you at the same time. I was jealous you two had each other, that you two felt so strongly toward each other.” Because I felt strongly toward you too, but you two had each other and didn’t really need me around the way I needed you is what he wants to say, but he bites that thought and swallows it. 

He takes a sip of his tea, procrastinating and gathering on his next thoughts. “Then you two started being affectionate toward me, but it felt different than St. Petersburg. It felt a lot more intimate, and I didn’t know what to do. And I just wanted more of it, I became greedy. And as much as I hate to say, I became a little resentful because...surely…” He drinks more of his tea, trying not to choke up on his next thought. Because surely you didn’t mean it in the way I needed it to mean.

“Surely it was just a friendly gesture, it doesn’t mean anything, that’s what I told myself” is what Yuri ends up saying, “but that idea just hurt me more. Because I...I didn’t want it to be just a friendly gesture. I wanted it to mean something. I see the way you two look at each other, and it’s so full of love. And then sometimes I see you two look at me that way, and it hurts because...because…” Fuck, he wasn’t going to start crying. He was already making himself out to be enough of a fool. 

The three of them sit in anxious silence, waiting for someone to say something. They all know where this is going, and suddenly years of unspoken feelings are about to be spoken. 

Yuuri speaks first. “Yuri, do you…” his voice trails off, and thankfully Viktor picks up and says the words both Yuuri and Yuri are unable to say.

“Do you love us?”

“Since I was a fucking kid,” Yuri mumbles as he wipes away his eyes. “When I realized my feelings, when I put the name to it, I got scared. You two have each other, and I felt so alone and resentful and jealous. And then you two show me love, and it gave me hope that maybe, maybe my feelings were mutual. Maybe you two loved me too in the that way, but that scared me too because what if I was wrong. I just...I couldn’t handle that rejection. So I decided that maybe, just maybe if I stop talking to you, the feelings would go away and I could move on with my life.”

Viktor’s sudden laughter surprises everyone in the room. “But the last thing we want is for you to move on with your life!”

Yuri looks at Viktor, confused, “huh?”

Yuuri reaches over the table, and gently grabs both of Yuri’s shaking hands. Yuri’s first instinct to reject his touch, but god, he’s missed this. “We love you too, Yuri. I love you the way I love Viktor, and Viktor loves you the way he loves me. We wanted nothing more than for you to be a part of our life, and our home always feels more like home when you’re here. When you’re not here, something is missing.”

“We were confused at first, we couldn’t figure out where exactly you fit. At first you were our friend, but over the years, you’ve grown into something more. We thought it was strange, that we’re married and we have feelings for you, strong feelings at that. But like you, we were scared of the rejection.”

“You’re irreplaceable, Yuri. We couldn’t stand the thought of losing you forever. When you suddenly stopped talking to us, we thought we ruined everything.” When Yuri looks up, he sees that Yuuri’s eyes are actually tearing up, and Yuri immediately feels his own eyes start to tear up again. 

“You morons, stop crying, you’re making me cry. We’re all crying over the same dumb thing!”

Viktor gets up, and sits down next to Yuuri, immediately enveloping his body in an embrace on the couch. “We love you, Yuri. We really do. We want to tell you until you’re sick of hearing it.” 

“Fuck, I love you too. Both of you. I have ever since I was a stupid kid, and now i’m a stupid adult and I still love you.” Yuri says, hiding his face away into Viktor’s chest. He doesn’t bother trying to stop the tears now. There’s so much relief and joy coursing through his body, and yet all he can do is cry out of sheer happiness.

Yuuri takes a seat next to Yuri on the couch, hugging him as he kisses the back of Yuri’s neck. “Yura, will you be our boyfriend? Will you join our family?”

Yuri turns around, still being held by Viktor and gives Yuuri a peck on the lips, then does the same for Viktor. 

“You don’t even have to ask. Now you’re stuck with me, forever.”

They both lean in, kissing his cheeks and holding him close.

“We wouldn’t have it any other way.”


End file.
